Afraid of the Dark

Scripture:

Isaiah 50:10-11 Who among you fears the Lord and obeys his servant?  If you are walking in darkness, without a ray of light, trust in the Lord and rely on your God. 11 But watch out, you who live in your own light and warm yourselves by your own fires.  This is the reward you will receive from me: You will soon fall down in great torment.

Observations:

This is the first time I’ve either read, or noticed, the juxtaposition of the fear of God with darkness.  In our culture, the fear of darkness is a socially acceptable phobia.  We acquire it when we are toddlers and some never lose it.  Infants have no fear of darkness, but somewhere around the age of two or three, children begin to fear darkness.

Unfortunately, very few children are taught to fear the Lord.  We do however teach children to be self-sufficient (e.g. the create their own light and warm themselves with their own fires.

Applications:

For several months now, I’ve been trying to create my own heat and light, but without success.  The message I was preaching, the leadership I was offering, and the vision I was casting were from my walk with God.  Sure, I made my share of mistakes, and I’ve sought to make amends for those, but that doesn’t denigrate the path I was blazing.  I’ve never seen myself called to be a manager of the status quo.  I’ve known from the beginning that I was called to push forward and do damage against the kingdom of darkness.

However, when I started to get some push-back, I recanted.  In order to protect my family, in order to protect our source of economic income, I pulled back and quit pushing.  I apologized, I expressed remorse, I sulked, I became depressed and despondent, and I tried hard to stop the inevitable loss of my employment.  In retrospect, I see that I was only trying to kindle my own fire and create heat and light for me and my family.

Reading the above text, the contrast was vivid.  I had to ask myself, why do I fear the darkness more than I fear God?  Why do I fear a loss of income, more than I fear God?  Why do I fear men, more than I fear God?  Why do I fear church leadership, more than I fear God?  Why do I fear mortgage creditors, tax returns, and car repairs more than I fear God?

Just asking those questions, makes me laugh.  Not a violent, mad-scientist laugh, but a chuckle – at my self.  And of course, it begs the question, what does it mean to “fear God?”

Fearing God is about respect.  We fear the darkness because we have a certain respect for the darkness.  While there may or may not be evil lurking in the darkness, we do know that we are limited in the sense that we can’t predict the future by taking in information by sight.  We have to rely on our sense of hearing – and very few of us could adequately identify the sound of a cougar ready to pounce from a tree.  Very few of us could identify the smell of a snake coiled in the brush.  And how many of us could identify the feel of a taste of a spider that accidentally crawled into our mouth?

We have learned to identify these dangers by sight.  Likewise, we have learned to determine our financial security and foundation by thinking logically.  We know that if we have $X in the bank and our income is greater than our expenses, we will be OK.  We know that we need to put so many dollars away each month for retirement.  And we know that as we pay our bills, we will be able to keep our house, cars, and our children fed.  We know this by logic.

However, God’s power, God’s direction, and even God’s presence defy logic, our senses, and our perceptions.  He is able to do above and beyond what we could ever imagine.  Our respect for Him, if we really knew Him, would surpass our respect for money, safety, darkness, security, financial planning, employment, etc.

If we really knew God, as Enoch knew Him.  If we knew God like Moses knew Him.  If we knew God like Elijah knew God – we would never fear the temporal issues of today’s world.

What is really interesting, ironic even, about the story I read earlier in 1 Samuel 4, is how Israel was defeated by the Philistines.  After one rousing battle, they called up the Ark and went to battle with the Ark of the Lord.  They were using it like a superstitious amulet.  God didn’t ask them to do this, instead they were kindling their own fire.

As the battle raged, Eli trembled in fear.  What was he afraid of?  He was afraid for the Ark.  But if that was God’s Ark, and God dwelt there, he shouldn’t have feared.  After the defeat, Eli died.  Eli didn’t really know God.

My fear and respect have to be in God – not myself, or man-made institutions!

Prayer:

Father God.  It’s really all about you, isn’t it.  Not me, but you.  Continue to teach me how to fear and respect you.  Continue to teach me how to not fear the financial insecurity and darkness that lies ahead.

Thanks – I love you too!

Moments

Scripture:

2 Samuel 19:1-8

1 Joab was told, “The king is weeping and mourning for Absalom.” 2 And for the whole army the victory that day was turned into mourning, because on that day the troops heard it said, “The king is grieving for his son.” 3 The men stole into the city that day as men steal in who are ashamed when they flee from battle. 4 The king covered his face and cried aloud, “O my son Absalom! O Absalom, my son, my son!”

5 Then Joab went into the house to the king and said, “Today you have humiliated all your men, who have just saved your life and the lives of your sons and daughters and the lives of your wives and concubines. 6 You love those who hate you and hate those who love you. You have made it clear today that the commanders and their men mean nothing to you. I see that you would be pleased if Absalom were alive today and all of us were dead. 7 Now go out and encourage your men. I swear by the LORD that if you don’t go out, not a man will be left with you by nightfall. This will be worse for you than all the calamities that have come upon you from your youth till now.”

8 So the king got up and took his seat in the gateway. When the men were told, “The king is sitting in the gateway,” they all came before him.

Observations:

Though I’ve always viewed David as a sanguine, I see am acting very melancholic in this story. Feeling sorry for himself, not wanting to lead, not caring about what others want, need, or see. But his friend and colleague, Joab, like always, brings the hard truth to him. David responds and does what he must – though it is not what he feels.

Applications:

How many times have I sought to do what I feel, even though it doesn’t agree with my calling?

U2 has a song that talks about being “Stuck in a Moment.” That is what often happens to me. Whether it be nostalgia, depression, grief, vision, perfectionism, opportunity, woulda/coulda/shoulda – or whatever. Being stuck in a moment is very different from living in the moment.

Living in the moment requires a dynamic approach to feelings and actions. Being stuck in a moment allows me to wallow in the past (nostalgia, depression) or future (vision, perfectionism). Wallowing seems easier, but it is a pleasure that takes its toll. Being dynamic to the current situation, seems like it will take more work, but in reality will allow for greater serenity and courage.

Prayer:

Father God, Lord Jesus, Holy spirit,

We don’t talk much about living in the moment within Christianity. It seems to be a Zen thing – something talked about in the Eastern Mystical Religious practices – but isn’t this what you were talking about in Matthew 6? “Seek first the Kingdom of God, and all these things will be added unto you.” “Think not about tomorrow, for tomorrow will take care of itself?”

Please help me to practice the spiritual discipline of living in the moment.

Thanks God – I love you too!

Just and Right

Scripture:

2 Samuel 8:15 David reigned over all Israel, doing what was just and right for all his people.

Observations:

What is “just and right?” It is amazing how many kings reigned without being just, right, moral, or obedient. Does just imply fair? Does right mean obedient? Does just and right imply the same thing as just and merciful? The genocide that David engaged in does not seem to show much mercy – at least for his enemies. However, his treatment of Mephibosheth certainly shows that he had the ability to be right and merciful.

Applications:

It has been my observation that God honors the leaders that are obedient, just, right, merciful, and God-centric. On the other hand, as we read in Amos 8 yesterday, God does little if anything for those who don’t choose to follow His ways. David’s successes certainly imply that this was attributable to his obedience.

So, many have made the leap that any failure, any lack of thriving, or any disease or dysfunction is due to a lack of obedience. The disciples made this leap when they asked Jesus whose sin caused the man to be crippled.

Does that mean that the family whose child is born dead, was disobedient to God? Does that mean that the church that fails to thrive and grow, is suffering from an obedience issue? Does it mean that the woman who undergoes cancer surgery is not following God? Or the man who loses his job is a sinner?

No, it doesn’t. This is what Job’s friends were trying to tell him. Just confess your sin and everything will be made well. But, as Job so rightly exclaimed, he was innocent.

However, when faced with obstacles, setbacks, roadblocks, or a lack of growth, we should definitely take some time to examine our lives and see if there is anything standing between us and God.

I think it is time for our church, locally, regionally, nationally, and worldwide, to take the time, through fasting and prayer, to assess our spiritual condition.

Prayer:

Father God, it is so easy for me to assess other people’s spiritual standing, yet ignore the log in my own eye. I know that this sort of assessment has to start with me. Please reveal to me the things I need to do in order to better walk with you, to better lead, and to reflect your character by being “just and right.”

Surrender and Live

Scripture:

2 Samuel 2:4 …When David was told that it was the men of Jabesh Gilead who had buried Saul, 5 he sent messengers to the men of Jabesh Gilead to say to them, “The LORD bless you for showing this kindness to Saul your master by burying him. 6 May the LORD now show you kindness and faithfulness, and I too will show you the same favor because you have done this.

1 Chronicles 11:2 In the past, even while Saul was king, you were the one who led Israel on their military campaigns. And the LORD your God said to you, ‘You will shepherd my people Israel, and you will become their ruler.’ “

3 When all the elders of Israel had come to King David at Hebron, he made a compact with them at Hebron before the LORD, and they anointed David king over Israel, as the LORD had promised through Samuel.

Observations:

I am continually amazed by the respect David showed to Saul. Even when Saul was on his worst rampage, David refused to dis him. David had plenty of opportunities to undermine, unseat, and even kill Saul – but he refused.  Saul was God’s appointed and for some strange reason David was in no hurry to appoint himself king – even though Samuel had anointed him years ago.

Applications:

I have always been way too eager to list my resume and show my worth to others. I remember being hired at Burger Town, the owner specifically told me she was looking to move me into a supervisory role. So, I began to operate as if. Yet all that did was create animosity with my co-workers, resentment with my boss, and frustration in me.

When I left emergency services and was looking for a part-time job while going to school, I was very quick to tell people about my past, my accomplishments, and my potential. But over time, I realized that people just didn’t care about that stuff. The phrase, “What have you done lately?” comes to mind.

Twice this week I woke up to epiphanies. The first had to do with my “need” to push the congregation. God clearly communicated with me to stop pushing. Pushing only creates frustration in everyone involved; I get frustrated because they aren’t moving, and they get frustrated because I’m pushing them against their will.

The second epiphany was regarding the opportunities to lead. Moses wasn’t called into leadership and appointed simultaneously. David was anointed at a young age, but wasn’t appointed until much later. Paul was called on the Road to Damascus, but it was years later before he actually entered a leadership role. I heard God saying: “wait for it.”

IOW, my role, in God’s plan (for my life, my family’s life, and my church’s life) will come when I least expect it. My role now is to love God, love my family, and love my church. The tasks come with direction. The relationships come with intention. I have to be intentional about developing these relationships and quit trying so hard to change the world.

One of the phrases Professor Olafsson uttered during my class last week was this: “Moses wasn’t ready to be a world changer until he was 80 years old (paraphrased).” This really struck me. I’m not in charge of my destiny. I’m not in charge of determining what difference I will make in the world. I’m not in charge of who I will influence. Also, I will be of greater good and influence when I am fully surrendered to God – no matter how long that takes. But the quicker I get right with Him, the sooner He can use me.

Bottom line is this: I have to stop being a human doing and start being a human being. Just being with God is my role. When I am with Him, surrendered to Him, walking with Him, and open to Him – then I can be used. Until then, all my best efforts are like “filthy rags.”

Prayer:

Father God, please give me courage to let go and quit being task oriented. Please give me the courage to quit trying to earn respect. Please help me to know who you really are and what my role truly is. Please teach me to walk with you – without running ahead and without getting distracted by the cares of this world.

Missed Humility, Stupid Arrogance

Scripture:

1 Samuel 23:4 Once again David inquired of the LORD, and the LORD answered him, “Go down to Keilah, for I am going to give the Philistines into your hand.”

Psalm 31:1 In you, O LORD, I have taken refuge; let me never be put to shame; deliver me in your righteousness.

Matthew 7:3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

Observations:

As usual, several things leaped out at me in today’s readings that apply to the issues in my life.  First, I like the way David didn’t make a move without consulting God:  “Should I; will they; what should I?”  Even though David was a great leader and he had good judgment, he had learned earlier in his life to depend upon God – mainly because of some earlier mistakes he had made.  Second, the “deliver me” passage from Psalms definitely relates to David’s attempts to flee from Saul, but mostly it applies to me in my mistakes yesterday.  Third, I repent of my “need” and push to reform others when I still harbor great sin in my own heart.

Applications:

1. I have to learn to consult God before I make any major decision.
2. God will rescue me – and “carry” [nasa] me when I have stumbled.
3. I need greater humilty!

Prayer:

Father God, Lord Jesus, Gentle Spirit:  Please forgive me for I have sinned.  My pride and arrogance has once again blossomed into cockiness.  I have stepped deeply into the dysfunction of fixing and meddling.  It is against you I have sinned.  Please forgive me.  Please rescue me from the shame and dysfunction of my life and move me forward into greater holiness and a better reflection of you.  I’m sorry God.  I have done great damage to your ability to use me and I have overstepped my role and your purposes.