“Rainy days and Mondays always get me down.”  But that is a good thing.  I’m one of those unique individuals who thinks it OK to not be UP! all the time.  It is OK to be introspective, melencholy, and morose.  These are the times God speaks most clearly to me.

The last two years of life have had more down times than good times.  Our family has faced a number of difficulties.  Unfortunately, we were kind of stranded and alone during this process.  It was very disappointing to have our church family remove us for having a going through hard times.  But, why should it be any different for us than for others.  I happen to believe that God knew it would be a hard time for us, and He sent us to a new church despite that.  I believe the church missed a golden opportunity to live out God’s love.

Scripture:

Luke 1:18-20 Zechariah said to the angel, “How can I be sure this will happen? I’m an old man now, and my wife is also well along in years.” Then the angel said, “I am Gabriel! I stand in the very presence of God. It was he who sent me to bring you this good news! But now, since you didn’t believe what I said, you will be silent and unable to speak until the child is born. For my words will certainly be fulfilled at the proper time.”

Observations:

I read this today in the contributions section of YouVersion:

He [Zechariah] was a priest who went before God to do his duties and he had an encounter with God through and angel called Gabriel. He was in the midst of a huge transition. Sometimes, when we are in the midst of a huge transition, it confuses us because we have to shift from a traditional way of thinking. We can be hard to be around when we are in a major transition because we are confused and trying to find our way. Zacharias (sic) is the priest who is about to have a son who is a prophet. A prophet is very different from a priest. How could he train his son? For generations, Zacharias’ (sic) family had been waiting for a Messiah, but when the time had finally come, it was hard to receive. Even the angel said his prayers had been answered, but Zacharias (sic) said he couldn’t do it. What do we do when God gives us a challenge and we don’t know how to receive it? God doesn’t call a board meeting with us when he wants to move in our lives. He doesn’t ask our permission. God says, “Surprise, surprise, surprise”.

God spoke to me in this paragraph.  It reminded me of something Henry Blackaby says.  “Obedience to God has a price.  It not only costs the believer, but those around them.”

How would you like to be Elizabeth?  Zechariah goes into the Temple to perform his priestly duties, but when he returns, he can’t speak.  Through sign language, writing on the ground and on tablets, he’s able to convey somewhat of what happened.  She is livid!  Gabriel, himself, appeared to you, and you questioned his words?!  What were you thinking!!?  You idiot!

For the next nine months, Zechariah mopes around, trying to make sense of all of this.  He loses his importance in the community, people stop coming by to ask his advice.  I mean, all this writing, drawing, and hand signals – well, it all seems so confusing.  They go and find another priest to talk with.  In the meantime, Elizabeth is having a really hard time.  They are about to have a baby – a prophet that will prepare the way for the Messiah, but she can’t really “talk” to her husband about it.

Like Moses, or Jesus, in the Wilderness, not only was God silent, but these men had their voices stifled.  They were not able to perform the public duty they were called to perform.  For Moses it was 40 years; for Jesus it was 40 days; and for Zechariah, it was about 270 days – nine months – 39 weeks.  That must have been very difficult – for everyone involved.

Applications:

I’ve noticed that God often speaks through object lessons – almost more than He does with words.  Jesus used parables that often seemed confusing and incomprehensible.  Jeremiah had to walk around naked, sleep on one side, and eat food from dung-fueled fires.  Job went to Hell and back.  Hosea had to marry a prostitute – and love her.

HMS Richards used to say, “Preach always, and if necessary, use words.”

We live in a culture that values words – the spoken word.  We often forget what God is saying via the circumstances around us.

I’m troubled by the troubles my family experienced over the past two years, but I’m more troubled by those who rejected the opportunity.  I’m thankful that I didn’t have to walk around naked, or run and hide by the Brook Chereth; but it was still hard to be terminated.  I’m glad that I didn’t have to love and marry a prostitute – but I’m really thankful that I wasn’t stoned, flogged, or crucified.

We continue to stomp our feet and shake of the dust.  But it doesn’t shake off easily.

Zechariah made a mistake, he questioned God’s #1 messenger, Gabriel.  But look at how many have benefited from that mistake?  We often focus on the miracle birth of his son, John – and all that brought – but how many have stopped to listen to God because they learned from Zechariah’s mistake.

A bigger question I have, and it would be fun to know someday, is this:  Did Zechariah’s peers learn anything during his silence?  Did Elizabeth learn anything?  Did Zechariah’s disciples learn anything?

Or another way of saying this would be, God speaks in a spectrum of voices.  We may see one thing, hear another, and experience another altogether.  He may be saying one thing to me and quite another to you – with the same words and the same experiences.  It is easy for me to focus on what you need to learn, but harder to focus on what I need to learn.  Red, yellow, ultraviolet, infrared, visible, invisible, three-dimensional, or five – Current, or future.  God transcends time, space, and reason.  What is He really saying?

Maybe things are not as they appear…

I Corinthians 2:13-15 When we tell you these things, we do not use words that come from human wisdom. Instead, we speak words given to us by the Spirit, using the Spirit’s words to explain spiritual truths. But people who aren’t spirituals can’t receive these truths from God’s Spirit. It all sounds foolish to them and they can’t understand it, for only those who are spiritual can understand what the Spirit means. Those who are spiritual can evaluate all things, but they themselves cannot be evaluated by others.

Prayers:

Father God, open my eyes that I may see glimpses of Truth, thou hast for me.

Amen

Scripture:
Genesis 37:8 So when the Ishmaelites, who were Midianite traders, came by, Joseph’s brothers pulled him out of the cistern and sold him to them for twenty pieces of silver. And the traders took him to Egypt.

Observations:
It never occured to me until today that Israel was not enslaved by force – they sold themselves into slavery. The brothers didn’t realize the shortsightedness of their actions. By enslaving and selling their brother – the chosen of God – they enslaved their entire nation, their decendants, thei own flesh and blood!

Application:
We make choices that enslave us everyday.

Prayer:
Father God – open my eyes!

Intro:

Continuing in my process through the God Encounters book – today, chapter 2.4

Questions:

• What part of your life forgets to tremble?

I don’t tremble.  I haven’t trembled in years.  It’s not who I am.  I fix things – if something is scary, I fix it, subdue it, avoid it, or crush it.  I’m not saying this is the best way to handle things, it’s just what I’ve learned.  If I can’t fix it, I get a bigger hammer.

As I write that, I’m impressed to explore the suppress, subdue, and/or crush scenario.  Hmmm…

So, I suppose the answer is- in all aspects.

Whoa. Note to self: Need some work here.  This is a spiritual discipline that I not only need to work on, but I didn’t know it existed.

• When was the last time you were afraid of God?  What caused your fear?

As mentioned in the book, maybe we’ve done such a good job rejecting Jonathan Edwards’ Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God, that we’ve forgotten that fear and trembling are OK.

However, I think I’m afraid now.  Afraid that God won’t live up to the promises I cling to.  Will He really take care of us?  Will He really shield us from persecution?  Will He really see us through this mess?

We only have enough money for two more house payments.  What happens God?  What happens next?  Did we hear you wrong?  Did we misunderstand?  What if our theology is wrong?  Will you still take care of us?

Over the past several months, since my Smiling Son was weaned, I’ve had the delightful opportunity to develop a deeper relationship with him.  It’s really been fun, exciting, rewarding, and meaningful.  There have been times where I can tell that he just adores me.  However, something happened recently.  Mommy and Darling Daughter went to an event and it was just the boys at home.  Suddenly, he got shy, timid, and maybe even a bit afraid of his Dad.

I was taken aback some.  He hadn’t acted that way with me ever.  Of course I adapted, but it was obvious that he was still quite attached to his Mommy and hadn’t quite developed that trust level with me yet.  It was as if he was looking at me, thinking, “Do you have what it takes to take care of me?  Do you know where the food and diapers are?  What if I start crying?  Will you be able to handle that?  Maybe you ought to call Mommy right now – just in case?  Maybe you ought to get her over here… um, now – just in case I start crying or something.”

So how did I handle this?  Well, a less secure parent might have been hurt and wounded to the core.  I could have taken it as an affront to my competence – or worse, as a doubting of my unconditional love of him.  But I didn’t.  I realized this was his issue, not mine.  I backed off and gave him some space.  I dialed up the fun quotient and turned on the attraction.  IOW, attraction, not promotion.  It had moderate success.  We didn’t end up with a wailing toddler begging for his Mommy – but he was sure glad when Mommy got home.

Where did I learn this? From watching others.

I’ve watched people who seemingly adore children or pets.  They walk in the door and immediately they want said children to snuggle with them.  But, um, those said children don’t know this stranger.  They have no relationship – no trust.  The kids hang back in apparent shyness.  My mother was one of those people – loved kids and was dying to snuggle with them.  Kids avoided her.

What I do is basically ignore the kids.  Say hi, smile gently, but don’t try to touch them (handshake, high-5, etc) – just focus on the tasks at hand, or the adults I came to see.  Before too long, the kids are my friend.  Same with pets – but for different reasons.  I’m not naturally drawn to other people’s dogs (especially yappy, little dogs) – or cats.  But by ignoring them, pretty soon all cats end up in my lap. (sigh)

Since that experience with my Smiling Son, we have continued to grow our relationship.  In fact when I ran a quick errand to the store Friday afternoon, he caught my attention, thumped his chest and said, “Me? Me?”  He desperately wanted to go with me – and we had a great time together.

So, here’s how I see it.

I’m hanging back, wondering: “Are you up for this God?  Do you know where the food is?  What if I start crying?  Will you know what I need?  What if I misbehave, are you going to whack me?”  Where’s this going?  Is Mommy ever coming back?  No one consulted me on this change?  I’m not so sure I can really trust you…“

Is it possible that God has adopted an attraction model also?  Is He just waiting for me to come to Him?

I think so.  I believe I don’t need to be afraid.

Before my kids could talk – and long before they could even begin to express why they were crying – they still had needs.  As a parent Dad (Mom’s have an intuitive skill/knowledge – they just know.  I always skipped the 20 questions and just asked the Mom – it was quicker), it is our job to play 20 questions and figure out why they’re crying.  But here’s the deal – just because I couldn’t figure out what was wrong, that didn’t mean that I abandoned my kids.  Even if I didn’t understand their pleas, I didn’t leave them to their own devices.

But also, children never stop asking until they get what they need.  And in those early years, they get everything they ask for.  When they get older, they try to get more than they need – and we, as parents, use our judgement to determine whether they need it or not.  We look at the big picture, the little picture, the needs vs. wants, the treat vs. spoiling, the special occasion vs. routine, and so on, and so forth, et cetera, blah, blah, blah…

My conclusion on this. It is my “job” to ask.  It is God’s job to answer.  Sometimes I’m the one-year old and sometimes I’m the 13-year old.  Sometimes I cry and babble inconsolably – sometimes I throw a tantrum – and sometimes I want something that is not only unnecessary, but downright harmful.

If I really need it, He will give it to me.  If I don’t need it – He will think about it.  If it is harmful, he won’t let me have it.

• What strikes profound reverence or awe in you? Explain.
  

Impossible answers to prayer always amaze me.  Either physically impossible, or psychic impossibilities.

10 years ago I was running out of money, soon to be married, and at a dead-end.  As I surrendered that, God showed up in the form of an email offering me a job.  All I could do is weep.

A year later, while going through the one-week church planter assessment process, I was at a crossroads in my life.  I had moved to Michigan to attend the seminary, but I wasn’t convicted that I was staying – so I didn’t unpack.  I attended church planting assessment and seminary orientation at the same time.  Towards the end of the week, while having some QT3 with God, I felt His presence.  It was intense, for it felt like He’d been silent for over nine months.  Since calling me into full-time ministry, I hadn’t really heard from Him.  But that day He showed up.

It was as if He had His hand on my shoulder and was saying, “I’ve been here the whole time.” I knew in that moment that I would be staying in the seminary and not doing a church plant anytime soon.  When the church planting assessment team sat down with me the next day to tell me the same thing, I just nodded my head knowingly.

It is these moments that inspire awe.

So here’s a self-devised question: Why can’t I anticipate that awe?  Why not act as if?  As if the answer has already been received – and start doing the awe thing already.

When my kids see me do something that would be impossible to them, they stand there, mouths agape, laughing, giggling, and begging me to do it again.  So, once again I toss the orange in the air and bounce it off my bicep and back into my hand.  Over and over, and they laugh.

• How would you define the difference between the fear the disciples experienced and the fear being advocated in Deuteronomy 10?

The disciples were afraid, God asks us to revere Him.

• In what ways can fearing and loving God happen simultaneously?  Can you love God and yet fear Him?  Explain.

Probably – or He wouldn’t have asked us to do it.

Questions like this reveal the superficiality of my faith.

Prayer:

Father God – take me to a deeper level – please.  Oh, you are?  Yeah, I was afraid of that…

Discussion:

Saturday night while cooking dinner, I put my iPod on random to play on the home stereo.  Whenever I do this, I pray that God will direct the music selections.  He always comes through.  The following song came on – it comes from the first Jars of Clay album that was pretty much my theme from 1995 to 1999.  This song, as I listened to it the other night, is a prayer I’ve been praying for several years.  The Lord is in the midst of answering this prayer.

Scary? YES!

Needed? Yes.

Trusting? I’m learning?

God Encounters 2.3

• What fears have you learned? Where has your trust been broken?  What is preventing you from experiencing life to the full?

Fears? Oh, that’s not an easy one. I’m a guy, we don’t have fears.  Right?  Actually, I was struck by the statement that children are born with two innate fears: loud noises and falling.  I don’t know how “they” know this stuff, but it appears to be true.  As I watch my kids learn to walk, run, play – that fear of falling seems pretty innate.  And loud noises definitely startle them.

I have some sensible claustrophobia.  Not so bad that it prevented me from doing my job as a firefighter, but enough that I would sometimes hesitate before entering some spaces.  Burning basements were kind of bizarre. The only entry and escape was often the chimney venting the fire – the basement stairs.  If that access became blocked, there was no way out.  Overturned cars in ravines were also kind of hinky.

But my fears probably run deeper.  Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of intimacy, fear of trusting another.  These issues lead me to be self-reliant, self-absorbed, aloof, and somewhat distant.  This keeps me from experiencing real, solid, and intimate relationships – on the level that would best reflect Christ’s character in my life.

• How might you rebuild your trust in God’s faithfulness?  What are the first steps you will take?

This is actually an easy answer.  But words are cheap.  The simple answer: let go

Understanding that God has a hold on me – I don’t need to hold on so tightly. To whatever?  Relationships, my kids safety, the safety of my wife – emotional, physical, spiritual, social, etc.

Just let go, and let God.  That is the first step – surrender.

• Where in your life can you acknowledge that God has been asking you to leap?  What adventures might you imagine He has in store for you?

This too is an easy one – for the leap has been made.  Last year He asked me to hold some people accountable, I did, it cost me my job.  So, here I am, with no visible means of support, with only a month or so of resources left, and no vision into the future.  It is quite scary.

It is also quite exciting.  It will be very interesting to see where God leads on the next step of the journey.

Prayer:

Father God, just for today, teach me to trust You and to let go of the artificial control I think I have of my life.

The last few months have been difficult.  That’s putting it mildly.  God gave me a message and a vision for my church, but it didn’t involve those who would like to think of themselves as leaders.  Instead, it involved the marginalized, the broken, the un-churched.  The vision was a for a passionate, deep, transforming relationship with Jesus.  Deeper than anything a mere knowledge of the “truth” could ever bring.  This kind of transformation only comes about through much fasting and prayer.  This type of transformation only comes when we quit trying on our own strength.

As I’ve been hiding out in Adullam’s Cave, I had this urge to read what Jeremiah wrote.  The more I read, the more discouraged I became.  I wasn’t reading about a world 3000 years ago.  I was reading about today – and it isn’t good.  I can’t bear the weight of that knowledge anymore.  I had to let it go.

So, I attempted to go back to my regular Bible reading and journaling format.  But even that led me into Ezekiel and other prophetic words of doom and conviction.  Like Elijah, I just wanted to rest on the banks of the brook Cheroth and rest.  I imagine though that in Elijah’s resting, there was hurt, dismay, mistrust, anger – I’m pretty sure he wallowed in the words God gave him and the unfairness of the leadership.  He may have even poured over the words of the prophecy.

“Did I miss something,” he wonders. “Did I misunderstand what God wanted me to say?  Maybe I was too harsh?  Not harsh enough?  Maybe I shouldn’t have run away – should I have stayed and fought for the people?  What about my family?  My cousins, brothers?  Uncles?  Oh my, what have I done?!”

For the past week or two, I’ve felt impressed that I need to find a morning worship tool that is refreshing and uplifting.  I began to look for my copy of the God Encounters book - a devotional/discipling book, co-written by some friends of mine.  But it wasn’t showing up.  Then I found it.  I promptly plopped down on the couch in my office and started reading where I left off – chapter 2.  Here is my journey…

◊◊◊◊◊ ◊◊◊◊ ◊◊◊ ◊◊ ◊

Encounter

◊ The secret is out. What difference is it going to make in your life today?

As I read the preceding pages, about God’s love through the creative process.  At first, it was just words.  “So what?”  I said.  He did that with everyone – billions of people.  That doesn’t make me special.  It’s almost like a factory…  billions of people, knit together, next!

But then it hit me.  I don’t feel that way about my kids.  Each of them is special in their very own way.  They were conceived in love – they are surrounded by grace.  They are cherished, adored, and very precious.  I feel that way about my family too – especially my nephew and nieces – not to the depth of my own kids, but pretty significant, nonetheless.

I don’t have the capacity, or the time, to love billions – but why do I doubt that He does?  I’m not so sure I doubt – it’s more like unfathomable.  I just can’t wrap my head around that.  Intellectually, I get it.  Emotionally, for some reason I feel like I’m in fourth grade again, being picked last for kickball and standing ignored in the corner of the gym.

◊ What perceptions have changed for you?  What can no longer be the same with what you now know?

Suddenly, I see the teacher looking my way.  Though I’m standing forgotten in the corner, the one in charge sees me.  One time, he came over and urged me to step into the fray.  Another time, he pointed me out to one of the team captains who was picking teams.  And still another time, he took me into his office as I cried hot teardrops of brokenness.

My God sees me.  He knows me.  He loves me – just as I am.

◊ What difference will this secret make in your life the next time you worship (alone or with people)?

Just thinking about it makes me want to worship.  I want to express my love to Him for being the lover He is.  The fullness in my chest is bursting.

◊ Why is this secret so important to living a life of God encounters?

I believe it has much to do with legalism vs. grace.  If I worship God because I have to, it is worthless.  But if I worship Him because I want to – well, that is love.

• What experiences have you had that inspired awe in you?
  • Awe can be an illusive thing.  But there have been moments:
    • When I was out of money, in seminary, ready to get married, and out of the blue I’m hired by the Rocky Mountain Conference – I wept.
    • When I had been asked to take a position in Rwanda, and after debating over it for weeks, finally I surrendered to the possibility, and God said no.  That not only brought awe, but pause.
    • Sitting on the shore of Glacier Bay, Alaska – the last morning there.  The water was like a mirror of unblemished glass, a lone wolf watched me, dolphins circled the bay, and the mountains rose is mighty and spectacular majesty.  I could only whisper, “wow.”
    • The night before, in Glacier Bay, there was a bright moon, the most spectacular Aurora Borealis that had been seen in years, a pack of wolves howling, dolphins in the bay, and the ubiquitous stars.  Magical – purely magical.
    • When my kids were born – truly stunning, humbling, awe-inspiring.
• Top five most beautiful things:
  • My kids born
  • Glacier Bay
  • Top of Mt. Whitney – with the sun rising and moon setting simultaneously.
  • The starry night from an isolated fired in Baja
  • An empty snowfield in an isolated Cascade mountain.
• Who do you enjoy sharing beautiful things with?  What motivates you to bring it to their attention?

This question baffled me a bit.  It’s like asking a man, “How do you feel?”  I don’t know the answer to that question.  Ask me what I’m thinking about and I might have more success…might.

I like to share beautiful things with my wife, my kids, those close to me – especially if they appreciate it.

But what motivates me?  Hmmmm.  I guess it would be the opportunity to make a connection.

• What might you imagine was God’s intention in creating beauty?

Well played Yoda.  You set me up with these questions.

I can only imagine that God is looking to establish a connection with us.  Which makes me think.  Instead of just sharing beauty with those in my physical realm, wouldn’t it be neat to enjoin God into the conversation – and vice versa.

IOW, sometimes, I just want to get out on my own and commune with God.  Share the beautiful sunrise with Him.  Enjoy the quiet of the awakening birds with Him.  But what if I brought my kids and taught them to appreciate God’s beauty – with God – and with me?  Or, vice versa, if I’m at the beach with my kids and I see something beautiful, what if I pointed it out to God first, and then my family?

hmmmmm…..

Prayer:

Father God.  Teach me to be more aware of your presence in my life.  Teach me to understand you, appreciate you, commune with you, and to walk with you.

Scripture:

Ezekiel 20

17 Nevertheless, I took pity on them and held back from destroying them in the wilderness. 18 “Then I warned their children not to follow in their parents’ footsteps, defiling themselves with their idols.19 `I am the Lord your God,’ I told them. `Follow my decrees, pay attention to my regulations,20 and keep my Sabbath days holy, for they are a sign to remind you that I am the Lord your God.’ 21 “But their children, too, rebelled against me. They refused to keep my decrees and follow my regulations, even though obedience would have given them life.

Luke 17

32 Remember what happened to Lot’s wife! 33 If you cling to your life, you will lose it, and if you let your life go, you will save it.

37 “Where will this happen, Lord?”s the disciples asked. Jesus replied, “Just as the gathering of vultures shows there is a carcass nearby, so these signs indicate that the end is near.”

Observations:

Why is it that we, as spiritual beings, tend towards entropy in our walk with God?

Applications:

Losing sight of the vision will cause us to become lame, confused, and lethargic.

Prayer:

Lord, please don’t let me become lethargic – or to lose sight of the vision.

Scripture:

Luke 15:1-2

1 Tax collectors and other notorious sinners often came to listen to Jesus teach. 2 This made the Pharisees and teachers of religious law complain that he was associating with such sinful people—even eating with them!

Observations:

Jesus associated with the unchurched, but why? Isn’t a pastor supposed to keep the flock?  And yet here he is, in the taverns, on the streets, hanging out at Starbucks.  So, that caused the Pharisees and other teachers of the Law to complain.

Applications:

I got heat for my time online – over 60% of Western Civilization is online.  I got heat for being in stores – and yet, what better place to find people?  I was given grief for being at Starbucks all the time – but that’s where the current culture gathers.  Bottom line is, they wanted me to take care of them.  But I saw my job as reaching out to the unchurched.  Those two views did not merge well.

Prayer:

Lord, may I never lose passion for those who don’t know you.

Father God.  These are hard passages and they make me concerned about my family.  Teach me how to care for your entire family.

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Today God – just for today.  I just couldn’t read anymore of Jeremiah.  I felt impressed, by You, yesterday, to just take some time in the Cave of Adullam – to rest, recharge, and renew.  That is hard for me to do right now God.  There are so many pressing issues.  So many priorities, and so many deadlines looming.  But like the text that Jennifer read yesterday, you have promised to take care of us – so, I am leaning on you today God – please take care of us.

I need to let go of those who consider me an enemy.  I need to let go of those who seek to do me harm.  My friend told me they would seek to murder me, if they found out what I really stood for.  He was right.  It has been really hard – very unexpected – and very damaging.  Please help us God – please help us.

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Father God.  Help us.

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